I’m still here

No, I didn’t fall of the face of the earth. But sometime around april blogging about my style just started to feel hard and there was too much resistance. These past months I’ve been trying to think more about content and what I want out of life instead of focusing on the exterior like clothes and image. I’m starting to feel a shift and I hope this blog can morph into a place for music and style intertwined. In a few months maybe.

April 16 – Channeling Tyra

I’m having my model debut tomorrow – I will be walking in a fashion show at a local mall – to tell you the truth – I’m so excited!

Yesterday, I tried the different outfits that the stores has put together for us – a very inspiring and sometimes horrifying experience. I don’t think I ever would have even glanced at the pieces I’m wearing in the show – skinny ”jeggings/jeans”, bright stripes, red leggings (ok leggings period), a white mini in lace (and I’m sorry, but I do kind of feel like I’m wearing something a fourteen year old should be wearing…) and shorts. I’m not a shorts girl, never been. The best part about is the opportunity to see oneself in a very different light – you know, I can wear red leggings. It might not be a reflection of who I am and what I want to portray, but it didn’t look as bad as I thought it would.

I bought this glitter jacket at H&M yesterday – if I’m going to try on a bunch of clothes that aren’t me – why not give a few glittery (very me!) pieces a look in too 😉

I wore this for work, because I believe that anything that sparkle works for every occasion. Am I right or am I right? 😉 I’ve also changed my hair, as you can see..

Let’s go back a few weeks

I haven’t been in for a while, work and trips got in the way. So let’s recap what has happened from the end of march to now.

This outfit is from late march, one of those glorious warm days, a kind of day that really lifts your spirits and makes you want to do one thing… go shopping!

Skirt Versace; pink tank top and purple tights H&M; blue ”tunic” Gina Tricot.

When it comes to color – why tone it down when you can pump it up? I felt just fabulous walking down the streets in this carrying a multitude of shopping bags. Very sex and the city, minus the sex and minus the cocktails…

A few days later (when it sadly, was a bit colder) I wore one of my new finds:

It’s from H&Ms new Garden Collection, this dress is made by recycled polyester – pretty neat right? And yes, that’s a tooth brush in my hand.

The last weekend of march me and Boyfriend danced in a small production of Jesus Christ Superstar, so much fun! Then we headed off for Stockholm and Gävle, for fun and for a christening. I wore another new dress this time

New dress from Soyaconcept, coral cardigan Oasis and necklace Indiska.

It’s been a fun few weeks but I’ve missed this blog – missed the creative side of it and having all my outfits in a neat archive. The good part about having this space is that it inspires me to be creative with my clothes. Taking a few chances, and that can only be good.

March 25 – I Heart Spring. And my dentist.

It’s been amazing today, the sun was shining and it was actually warm! Surely 15 celsius (ok, I’m sorry but I just don’t know what that is in farenheit…). I think spring does something to us who inhabits my two cities (since I work in one and live in one, I consider myself having a pretty nice relationship with both). Suddenly the streets are filled with people, light coats and jackets has jumped out of the closet and all you really want to do is see your friends and be happy.

Do you live in a sunny warm climate all year? Do you experience this kind of massive euphoria all of you all the time? wouldn’t that be something 😉

Skirt Karen Millen, yellow tank and cardigan bought at MQ.

I did something today I know Boyfriend doesn’t like… you can see it in the picture. I’m wearing my shoes inside… But I just wanted you to see the whole outfit for once, since this skirt has such a big print it works best with heels.

I loved wearing a flower print and bright yellow today – Ah spring!

March 24 – A mixed bag of emotions today

We’re launching a new computer system at work, homepage and everything so today was pretty much like being back in school – like being in class, learning about all the new features and everything. A long day but a pretty good day.
White tank Vero Moda, purple tights H&M, coral cardigan Oasis and skirt Mexx. Obi-belt from India.

I overslept a bit this morning so I grabbed a few simple items, but trying to be a bit creative with colors.
Then I added… guess(!)… my leopard scarf!

Me and Boyfriend hung out with my parents tonight, really nice. But I got pretty emotional after watching a documentary on tv about a rape at a school and afterwards the whole community started supporting the convicted rapist (a 25-year-old boy who confessed the whole thing) and well.. it was a long story but I just got so mad after watching it..

But then, I got home and read some wonderful news at one of my favourite blogs (bright side dweller) and that made me feel happy again – you know, good things do happen and MOST people in this world are great people.

March 23 – A sharp tool in the shed and then some

One meeting today that demands a sharp silhouette, some structure and being all together ”business appropriate”. Took me quite a while to figure this look out.

kind of looks like I lost my foot…

I now know for sure that I have gained weight over the past few months. Right now I even feel like things I wore back in january doesn’t fit anymore – it’s a thigh and hip thing. Mostly just annoying, since I don’t have that many pants to begin with and I don’t like to shop for pants. I thought with all the dancing we’re doing that at least my body would stay pretty much the same, if not slim down a bit. Funny thing is, I can’t tell from my pictures or reflection that things have changed, it’s only the fit of my clothes that gives it away. These jeans are still a bit too tight, especially in the front and the waist but hey that can be a good thing from behind 😉

My teeth are hurting too, it’s that the part that brings on the wisdom? You call them wisdom teeth too, in the US, Canada, Britain, Australia?

The jacket’s from Italy, picked it up five or six years ago.

But it is sunny today! Wow, the sun can really make up for a million things, like weight and pain – Happy!  And oh,  I bought flowers today, I think they’re just spectacular!

I’m making a dress for one of the dance numbers we’re doing this weekend, in the musical Jesus Christ Superstar. I’m excited, inspired and very very scared all at the same time.

March 22 – Purple does it again, and eco is the new black.

I feel very pleased with this outfit. Oh yes indeed, I kind of just threw this one (ok, I wore the skirt and the shirt with a purple cardigan on saturday, so I swapping the cardie for a vest might not be considered mind-blowingly clever) and for once dressing wasn’t a hassle. I still haven’t found a proper way to organize my closet so I feel a big sense of relief when I manage to stay away from the ”dressing-myself-block”.

Detail

We had a pretty big meeting at work today, lots of suits. I  walked in to a room that quickly became a sea of gray and black (oh, most of them had great suits by the way, nothing wrong with a great suit). But I do love being one of the colorful little fishies in that sea.

I truly believe that leopard works with anything, or at least this scarf does. Yes, even tiny florals. Oh I know you can’t tell from these pictures (for me, photographing is still just crapshot) but my tights are purple. Found them on sale at H&M yesterday, there were so many of them I grabbed two pairs, might go back for more. I just don’t understand why nobody else has snatched them up, but I guess that’s just more for me!

I went to a eco-friendly fashion show yesterday, a spur of the moment thing. And a lot of it was great – creating awareness on different alternatives to shopping ”new” clothes like vintage, thrifting, swapping, eco-friendly materials, fairtrade etc. And they had ”regular people” for models, the boys and girls who organized the event, which I love because it makes the whole thing more accessible.

BUT

I have to say, some things felt a tad cliché still (like eco-friendly fabric is beige, gray, armygreen, I guess it has something to do with selling to a certain demographic who dress a certain way and they go for the whole natural thing, and that’s fine, but come on – sure we can do more colorful and creative stuff with the good stuff? or am I wrong?) and there was one thing in particular that I didn’t like: everything was style with black.

Don’t get me wrong, I wear black. But I pretty much every outfit was combined with black leggings, tights, cardigans, shoes etc. And truth to be told, black can very easily look dowdy and ”washed out” in the spotlight – if you don’t have amazing lightning.

Maybe it has to do with what’s trendy, I don’t know. And maybe it has something to do with the fashion among the kids who are aware. I can’t help but think that it would be good (nice) to create more diversity in style and colors when we’re trying to raise awareness about ecofriendly alternatives. So that everybody, from the hipster girl to the uptown girl (or boy) feels like yeah, we can make a difference and look great too. You know, that classic ”win-win”.

March 19 – The tricky part of layering

Today, friday, I kind of plugged out – any thoughts about work or future were off limits. I ended up hanging out at a friend’s place all day – very needed.

I was inspired today by Tori Amos latest album, Abnormally attracted to sin. But oh this outfit didn’t really work out, to be honest. Yep, I’m wearing a skirt as a top – a skirt I rarely wear but still love to bits. The theory of this combination felt good, but as soon as I left my apartment it just… didn’t feel good enough. I think the pants as to be tighter.. or maybe just tights..

Let’s play a game – what could be done to improve this look?

March 18 – Wearing a lot of Swedes

I have figured some things out. 1. These pants are way too wide in the waist, they keep falling down – so I put a safety pin in the back. They still did a slip and slide dance though. 2. The zipper did a similar routine after I’d been sitting down for quite a while – it’s good I wore a scarf, otherwise my co-workers would have seen way more than I think they’d like…

Still I felt good in this outfit. It helped me out through an early morning presentation and at a high-profile meeting in the afternoon – I felt professional, but still ”young and hip” (oh putting it that way makes me feel quite the opposite)

gray long-sleeved top H&M; black long vest Kappahl; Chinos MQ

March 16 – Finding myself yet again

Feeling a bit under the weather today – all I could do was to go for simplicity.

The past few days I’ve been thinking about identity – both in terms of content (of who I want to be and what I creatively want to make, ie: music) and appearance. I happen to be one of those who can easily be distracted by input from others, their agenda, objectives and opinions. I easily steer off course. I get a vision and idea and then I feel swept away by circumstances around me and suddenly I wake up – only to not remember what was it that I was after at first?

In her book, ”Piece by piece” Tori Amos writes this: ”I think when you chase somebody else’s notion of success, you’re bound to fail”. I’ve read this book too many times to count  but this was the first time that passage just leaped out of the page and grabbed hold of me.

I think a lot in my life have been pushing me to decide what I want, not what I should want. Like life have been dropping little hints, but I haven’t quite gotten them yet. For instance, I had a meeting with a guy from a small local music organization and while we were talking he asked me this: ”where do you want to play? Don’t look at it as where can you play, but where do you want to play”. I was just silenced by that. Because up to that point I had been thinking a lot in the terms of where can I fit in, where would I be accepted – instead of deciding that for myself.

Partly, you could blame this on my two years of marketing studies, because hey it all comes down to marketing at some point, but first I have to think about ME and my Content. Not my appeal, that should be molded after the content (ie: the music) is in place – right?

These thoughts about content and who I want to be sort of culminated this weekend, because on sunday I went to that audition. I ended up waiting for six hours in a cold, dry room among 20 other boys and girls with musical ambitions. Oh well, the important part is what I overheard during those six hours… Girls that have gone to musical school, that have studied musical theater and that (according to them) are professionals since they ”do this for a living.”

These girls… there was something so scary about them. They talked to each other like friends but the longer you listened to them the more it sounded like they were competing – who’s done this and that job, who’s gone to so and so many audition, what school they went to etc.. Trust me, they didn’t sound like true friends. And oh, don’t get me starting on when they started talking about ”amateurs” (them of course being far from that…).

But the scary part was how fake this world seemed to me. I longed for  my true friends (and thought to myself that I hope these girls has some true friends too, because this just felt sad). I hate that kind of catty attitude among girls – a form of competition, if it’s for a job, a man, a look, followers on our blogs, whatever. What happened to compassion and sisterhood?

So I realized why I blog. I want to be a part of a supporting community, where people are real, true to themselves and compassionate. And I think this blogging world has those qualities. And I think I truly started to understand who I want to be as a singer – I don’t want part in that world, waiting for some producer in power to tell me that I’m good enough or not. I want to be  a part of a scene where everybody’s welcome. And if I can’t find that world, I guess I have to create it.

This became a very rambling post, but these are the thoughts that have been circulating within me the past few days. I will leave you with something pretty – my lovely new bracelet from India (a gift from a friend).